This post is another contribution to my four part series I have titled The Four Decisions Theory. In a previous blog post, I have described how there are four major decisions in life that create the foundation of who and where we are. These choices play a critical role in not only where we are presently, but also the direction of our future paths.
By using hindsight to reflect upon these choices, it is easier to see what went right and what went wrong. It is very important for everyone to take time and reflect on their own major life events in order to recognize similar opportunities as they arise, or to avoid repeating the same mistakes.
Isolation from my Family:
The next life decision that was critical in the development of who I am was isolating myself from my family. As I mentioned in my first decision: Flunking out of College, not all choices in life can be quickly categorized as positive or negative. After many years of reflection, I have assessed this event as an amazingly positive experience in my life.
Without divulging too many family details, this isolation from my family was after I had a major fight with my Mother and Father. I had learned of some family secrets that had been kept from me, and I got to the point that I could not stand the negativity that had encapsulated my family throughout my life.
I had been belittled, mistreated, and could not take this volatile environment any longer. There was always a sharp edge in the interactions between my father, and myself and following his saying, “it’s my way or the highway,” I chose the latter. This freedom came with a steep price. My mother, who I have always been close with, sided with my father and I did not talk to her for over three years as well.
It was a difficult time in my life. I found myself barely scraping by from paycheck to paycheck, and soon became an expert in maximizing the culinary capabilities of instant mashed potatoes and top ramen. I moved into an apartment with my best friend who was also going through family issues, and began self-repairing my emotional and psychological self.
When I look back at this time in my life, I kept waiting and dreaming of simpler times in which I could put more than $10 worth of gas into my car, or pay all of my bills in the same month. What I failed to realize was that this was the easiest time of my life. When you have nothing, you having nothing to lose, and for once I could dream big without judgment. Although I had nothing of material value, I was rich in so many other ways.
I surrounded myself with people who cared about me, and were supportive in what I did. Our saying during this time was, “family is what you make it,” and we created the family we wish we had growing up. We all shared our major holidays together, and even though I missed my family, I was able to grow mentally and emotionally stronger, and became more resilient and independent.
What I learned:
I learned that I was stronger, smarter, and more talented than I had ever been given credit for. I realized that I was able to set and achieve my own goals without the help of my family, and realized the importance of surrounding myself with positive and supportive people.
I also grew a backbone, my self-esteem greatly improved, and I refused to be treated poorly by anyone, including my family. If I was not going to be appreciated for who I am, and what I can do, I can always improve my situation. Life is short, and we are often better than how people treat us.
I credit this one decision for my success, more than the other three. It helped me to develop diligence and persistence when approaching problems, realize my self-worth, and refuse to let people treat me poorly.
Was this lesson worth trading three years of interactions with my entire family? In the end, YES it was. This decision becomes more and more invaluable as life continues to challenge me as an MBA Student, Teacher, Husband, and father.
I look back to these times with great satisfaction when reflecting on how far I have come, and I get excited for future challenges.